Anything but Empty (Brave)
by Idris Sweets
Summary: Gail and Holly. 4 years after the 4x13. They haven't seen each other. This is my take on what could have happen. I am new-ish to this FanFic writing stuff (or at least, actually publishing it). I am going to see where this story goes. I am hoping it will just take off...but who knows...be nice...but all criticism is allowed...but must be constructive if negative.
1. Chapter 1

Gail sat alone in the not-so-crowded subway car. The bench seat was all hers, yet she found herself in the middle. Just getting off work, she had no need to continue to keep up appearances, but this had been a satisfying end to a long undercover job, and the subway ride was something she had to do for her 'character' but at this hour of the night, made the emptiness, she found it had a calming on her, even if she still was on alert, _perks of the job._ She just finished with her debriefings and warrants. Arrests had been made. She rode the train one last time to her UC apt to clear it all out.

The train stopped to let off more people than it let on. She saw her out of the corner of her eye, as the weight of the last 18 months laid heavy on Gail's mind. She looked again as the brunette planted herself down on the opposite end, as if to be near another human would be sacrilege. There was just an air of exhaustion around her. Gail found each time she glanced that the weight of the past months would lighten, even if only incrementally. She still hadn't really looked at her. She felt she had to steel herself to do that. She is glad she did. Because when she did she felt like she had just gotten hit in the gut with that army tanker she had seen in that movie last week. She couldn't catch her breath. The olive skinned woman must have heard her struggling to breath because she looked up. Instead of the shock, horror, awkward look she was expecting to find on the pathologist's face, she found that familiar warm, inviting smile grow as Holly's face found hers.

Gail could have sworn there had been no one on the train car but now she seemed even more aware than ever of every person on the car, every eye that turned, every ear that she thought was leaning closer. Every creak, every drop of water that was coming down from the cracks and leaving the solid ice states that it once was, like her demeanor. She was melting, just because of this woman's smile. It's been 4yrs. Those stolen moments that they had at Noelle and Frank's wedding, in the interrogation room on that horribly intense day and that night of unconditional care and love that she showed Gail, just by being there.

_Nothing started, nothing stopped, nothing happened. Not because Gail didn't want it to, not because Holly didn't want it to, and not because she was terrified, she would have dealt with that, she's a cop for heaven's sake, and well she's been on way too many under cover operations since those moments._

* * *

_One month after all the hospitals and all the extra shifts, she and Holly had seen a good amount of each other but nothing much had come of it. They had both been busy and exhausted and moving so fast in different directions to really know what was going on between them. Neither of them blamed the other. In the past 4 years Gail had been on 2 back-to-back long under cover operations, both with short stints in between which she used to just decompress._

_Holly had used that time to get another degree and become the head of the criminal pathology department for the county; she'd been just as busy as she had imagined Gail to be. Every now and then her mind wondered to the blonde and her whereabouts. What she was doing. If an officer would walk into her lab and start asking her questions she would think back on that inquisitive not-so-rookie woman who berated her with sweet insults about the nerdy things in her life. It would sneak up on Holly, just like Gail did into her life, and on the train today, but she loved those moments. She cherished those moments. But she never did anything about those moments, not until today. That's why when she saw her she wasn't scared, she wasn't terrified, mad, or unsure; she was certain. She knew exactly who she was looking at; it wasn't a shock, because this woman, even after 4 years, was etched into her mind. She knew exactly they way her hair fell when she'd had a long day and her hair tie was not able to hold the thickness of every strand anymore. She knew the few crinkles around her eyes that meant she was calm but still aware of everything around her. Gail wasn't obvious about her sweep of the train car but she was surveying it, and only Holly could tell that she was making a mental map of her surroundings. All this for the short weeks they knew each other, 4 years ago._

The bench seemed crowded now; Gail slowly breathed in and finally found she could, like a normal human again. She wasn't going to let this person throw her off her game, she had just busted an entire drug ring after 18 months of hard work, she'd been hit and she had been shot at, she could take a punch and was able to hang with the toughest of the tough, and she would show Holly just how calm and cool and collected she was, "Hey Nerd. Long time…uh…no see." Still a bit out of breath; guess she didn't realize how much Holly's eyes affected her. _Smooth, Gail, very smooth,_ she told herself. "It's Dr. Nerd, gosh, how many times do I have to tell you that, Officer." Holly replied seamlessly, as she moved closer to Gail still leaving space between the two. Gail found the banter way too easy to fall right back into. She missed it. The muscles in her face had missed the smile that fell on her face; she hadn't smiled like that in years, 4 years if she was honest with herself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the wait. Ive been sick and a bit unmotivated. I want to thank you for the wonderful reviews. You are all so sweet. I will try and be a bit faster in my updates but who knows. Hope you enjoy. I DO NOT OWN ROOKIE BLUE.**

They chatted for the next three stops when Gail realized she would have to get up and leave when they reached the next platform. Their topics of conversation had yet to cover all that she wanted, like if she was seeing anyone or how she REALLY was doing, it was your basic small talk. It was good though, and she didn't want it to end. Without thinking of what any consequence would be of her feelings would be if Holly _was _attached or just didn't want to continue this trip down memory lane, she dove in. "I know you must be tired from a long week, but I'm headed to pack up my apt, and I'm usually the one who's swayed with food and drinks but pizza and beer on me if you would like to join me?" The words came out in a jumbled mess, but by the way Holly was smiling and pushing her glasses back on her nose, Gail figured she got the idea. "This is my stop." Gail said as she grabbed her duffle and stood.

She stood in front of the door waiting for them to open with her head bowed, looking at her feet and her duffle slung over her shoulder. Not until the doors were open and she was stepping off and up the stairs to get out from the underground did Gail want to know if Holly was behind her. She hadn't heard her, she hadn't felt her, and she hadn't seen her. Gail just kept walking, until she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. She didn't stop just slowed to match the pace of the woman to her right.

Holly followed the blonde to the undercover studio apartment that she said she needed to pack up. By the looks of it, she never unpacked. Very Gail. Holly walked in behind her, dropped her workbag next to Gail's duffle, near the door and hung her coat on the hanger, by the light switch. The place was small and Holly could see why Gail never unpacked. There was a nice-ish bed in the back corner, and a couch in the middle of the room facing away from the only window and the bed. It was however facing the TV, which Holly suspected had Gail's Xbox set up, _and she was right_. Directly across from the foot of the bed was a clothes rack, and behind that the 'kitchen' (a fridge, stove and sink) not much of a kitchen, but lots of cheese puffs and beer. The bathroom was behind the TV system. Holly watched Gail walk into the kitchen grab two beers and drop to the couch. She held out one for her and waited for Holly to take it.

"Drink up. The less we have here. The less there will be to pack." Holly took the cold can from Gail and sat down next to her.

They sat there talking about their respective days as if 4 years hadn't past and as if either of them hadn't just come off things that took hours to explain. Holly took the last swig of her drink and stood up. Gail grabbed the can from her hand, threw it away and began packing up the things that in the kitchen area. It took them both, together, only two hours to really pack all the knick-knacks that Gail had in her apartment. With everything packed in cardboard boxes or suitcases, except for the couch and the bed Holly and Gail were finished.

"The movers are coming to take the couch and the bed back to storage tomorrow morning."

"Where are you living? Still with the boys?" As Holly asked this she realized that yes a lot of time had pasted but she did still know some of what was going on at 15, she was still working for the county. She'd heard through the grapevine that Dov and Chloe had some ups and downs after she finally woke up and released from the hospital, but they were together and if she was correct were living together. She wasn't 100% sure of Chris' situation or the rest of the gang. She knew everyone had made it through those trying weeks, alive and as emotionally unscathed as possible, but without Gail she didn't find it easy to continue her relationships with them.

"Still with the boys. Dov and Chloe are getting married soon. Took 'em long enough. Actually I can't believe they didn't get hitched the moment her divorce to Wes was final." Holly watched as this Gail talked about her friend's love life without cringing and without cynicism. She saw it on the subway and was seeing it again now, this is not the same Gail she met all those years ago, and that is not to say that that is a bad thing, this is a Gail who knows what she is, this is a Gail who may not be happy but can recognize happiness. Holly just takes in the sight of this woman who has had time. Time to think, time to heal, time to be her.

"You still in the same place?" Gail's voice took Holly out of her thoughts.

"Yea. Same apartment. Not much has changed. Just a few more letters at the end of my name and a zero or two more at the end of my checks." She replied with a smile.

Gail turned back to the fridge and found two more beers and she must have thought Holly couldn't hear as she snorted to herself "Probably shouldn't let her go this time."

Gail turned around to see that her comment didn't fail on deaf ears and Holly's smile and giggle proved that. Then Holly decided to shock her a bit more "Don't worry I wasn't planning on letting you let me go", as she turned with the new beer and went to go sit back down on the couch, flipping through channels.

Gail smiled, grabbed her beer and the only blanket in the apartment that was on her bed and brought it over to the couch, they sat there for hours, talking catching up and mindlessly scanning through the numerous amounts of channels that even just a basic package for cable offered. It was a good night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Guys I am so sorry it has taken me longer to write this chapter than previously thought. I got stuck on some things, also I have been sick. But here it is. I hope it answers some questions that have been posed and also forms new ones that I will be able to answer in the future. THis is my first multi chapter fic, so please bear with me. xx Jes**

* * *

Four years still in Toronto but not really there, Gail still couldn't believe how much she had missed. She had been in the city but not. Those undercover assignments had taken so much from her, and she had taken so much from them. The time she had spent 'away' from the people she loved and the people she needed to learn to love again, had given her exactly that, time. Space. Clarity. And most of all it gave her maturity.

Holly knew she'd been distant from everyone in and around the city she'd grown to love, but those four years she lived and learned and took the time to better herself. Her time was spent in the lab and at night school and mostly, hold up in her apartment with her nose in two to three books at a time. She knew who she was before she met the blonde all those years ago in the woods, but she knew she could be better. Better for the blonde. Better for her career. Better, mainly, for herself. Especially, since she could see, now, that the blonde had done the same thing, the blonde had found who she was and was happy. Holly may have wanted to have been there for that discovery but she was there now. That was all the mattered.

* * *

"Thank you, Holly." The words came as she tried not to busy herself with the cleaning of the cans and the blankets, not wanting to look like she was kicking her out. She found she would always busy herself when she was trying to be sincere and she was trying to learn and be better. Be brave, or at least say the things she means and mean the things she says. Holly smiled and looked at her watch, it was getting late and even though she had nothing to do tomorrow this night did not need to be rushed. They both knew that.

Holly grabbed her coat and stood by the door as she slipped on her shoes. When she stood back up Gail was standing in front of her. "I have a confession." She was right in Holly's face. Holly jumped a bit by the closeness of Gail and the shear fear, no truth that was written on her face. Holly adjusted her jacket on her shoulders and gave Gail an encouraging nod. "You almost got me killed 3 and a half years ago." That is NOT where she thought that confession was going to go. "I what?" At this point Holly had taken her jacket back off and it was on the ground, not even on a hook or on the couch.

She and Gail were standing in front of the door, neither had moved, Holly still waiting for Gail to elaborate on her _confession_ of Holly's murderous attempt on her life. "Yea, well, you see," She was fidgeting with the edge of her sleeve, it was a Gail that she hadn't seen since 4 years ago, this is insecure Gail, this is unsure Gail, still absolutely adorable Gail "It was about 3 months into my first undercover assignment, gosh, Holly, do you know how hard it was to get you out of my head? Any ways, I got a little drunk one night. I called you. I don't think you ever got the messages, and that's okay. That's fine. I left too many. But I talked for too long. There were people around and I didn't know that. I said things I shouldn't, not that I said things I didn't mean, I almost blew my cover." She was speaking at the speed of light, Holly was having trouble actually following the story, so when Gail took a breath in between, what Holly thought were sentences, she grabbed her hand and dragged her back to the couch and made her sit down. This was NOT a standing conversation. Gail pliantly complied and continued as if nothing fazed her.

"Gail?"

She took a calming breath and continued the story, lost in a time long ago, lost when she must have been lost, it was written all over her distant gaze, Holly watched and listened, taking in someone who was reflecting on a past event rather than reliving it.

_She's been making a name for herself at this bar for the past three months. Her skills as a waitress and bartender have much improved since the last undercover job she did in that club with McNally. Then again, she actually studied for this one. People know her, she has some regulars that prefer her to other waitresses, which is a totally knew feeling for her, they think she's nice, weird._

_Guns and Gangs have been watching this particular bar; being that it is the front for the lovely unsavory folks that Gail has been calling her colleagues and friends to do some drug smuggling over the boarder. Gail found that the new employees weren't trusted, with good reason, to close ever, but they had grown to like her, and quickly. She had just started closing every night this week, which gave her an in to look around and be more familiar with the set up of the building itself._

_Last call had been called an hour before and the last patron had finally left 20 minutes before; it was just Gail and one of the other bartenders. They had had a very long week, Gail couldn't feel her feet and her back was aching, but her biggest complaint was one that she would never voice, she couldn't focus on either job she was their to do. She was supposed to be a waitress/bartender to the people in this bar but also a cop. The only thing on her mind was the brunette she left to come here and that brunette seemed to be every brunette in the bar that night. _

_"Sarah, you can go, there is not much left. I got it." Gail really just wanted the quite of stacking the chairs to herself as she offered the rest of the clean up to her new friend. "If you are sure, I really do want to get home. Thanks Holly." Gail kicked herself again for the UC name they gave her, she should have fought harder for a different one; REALLY it had to be that. REALLY!? "Yes, please, take off, go. Leave." She smiled and waved. "Alright. I am gone!" Sarah laughed and was out the door._

_Gail poured her self a shot or two and continued to clean up. Working in a bar had its perks, she thought, as she cleaned the last of the glasses. _

_She hadn't realized how much she'd had until she stopped moving. Her head was spinning now, she was just happy that she was done and could go. Gail leaned against the bar and collected her bag from under it. Her phone Luke gave her was in the bottom and she was supposed to call in when she was leaving the bar. She made her phone call as brief as possible, trying not to let on that she was not as coherent as she should be, she really shouldn't be screwing this up. She made another call. A number not programmed into her phone, one she knew. No answer. She hung up. She called again. Yea it was late, she was drunk, but she called again. Still no answer but this time she left a message. Not much of anything said. "Hi." Then she hung up again. She redialed the number 3 more times and left small similar messages. Nothing of consequence, nothing too damning, nothing of any merit, until the last call; "Holly, I'm sorry, I don't know what for, we haven't had a falling out, we just went our separate ways with our jobs, you with your nerdy brain, me with my stellar brawn, I see you every where. I shouldn't be calling. It's late you probably have work in the morning…."_

_She ended it with no real goodbye, and that's when Gail heard talking from the back, she hadn't heard or realized anyone was there. _

_The boss and his right hand man came in from the back in a bit of a rage, not sure why she was still in the bar. Still a bit drunk and flustered from just ending those unwarranted messages to Holly she was not at the top of her game. "Why are you still here?" Charles Jacobs, the owner and suspected runner of the show, asked her. "I…I just finished closing the till, and putting up the stools, I was just about to head out." She tried to compose herself best she could with out showing her hand, or the flush that was spreading to her face from the alcohol and the situation (DAMN her porcelain skin). "Who were you just talking to? I heard voices." Jacobs' second in command was a bit paranoid, and Gail figured that out the moment she met him. Kyle Stevens was not someone you'd expect to be in this game but she realized he was smart and not just with numbers but street smart. But Gail had figured he was just like and other geek out there, and any other guy, just through him off kilter for a split second and you can regain your ground. "I was returning a phone call to my girlfriend. _She _left me a cryptic message." She only had to wait a moment before the light switched on in their eyes and they both just stared, Gail grabbed her things and swiftly walked out the door and hailed a cab._

Holly held Gail's hands in her lap and traced circles over her knuckles as she finished her story. She waited for Gail to refocus back to the present, and when she did Holly was there, gently smiling. "I saved all 5 of those messages." And she kissed Gail on the forehead before picking up her jacket again and walking out the door and hailed a cab back to her apartment.

Not 5 minutes into her apartment her phone when off, saying she had a text.

**G: Night, Nerd. Call me when you get up. x G**

**H: Goodnight, Not Holly :) In the morning, then. Xx H**


	4. AUTHORS NOTE

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

**hey guys,**

**i know it has been a while, i am working on the next installment of this story. I want to make sure that I do Holly and Gail right, that is why I have taken a bit longer to update the next parts, and also I have a new job which has not allowed me the free time i had when i was unemployed..hahah.**

**Anyways, i want to assure you I have not given up on them, I love this story and it will continue, I am just not sure how often. **

**pls hang in there with me. **

**xx, Jes**


End file.
